How did we get here?
Heidi Stauber, M.A., LMFT
Ben Tobias
Radical Repair started at home.
In the forge of our own, ever-deepening relationship, Radical Repair was born. It came from Heidi’s experience working with others to address the harm caused by Internalized Oppression and an awareness that conflict avoidance was destructive to relationships. It came from watching a pattern of disconnect with traditional approaches to repair and a desire to retain our loving closeness. It came from Ben’s commitment to clear communication. It came from our sensitivities, our strengths, our weaknesses, and most of all from our hearts.
Radical
We call this approach “radical” because it breaks some of the conventional rules of engagement to more thoroughly address the deep harm caused in misunderstandings and conflicts, helping people resume a caring connection through increased understanding of self and other.
Repair
We view a good repair as one that helps people feel understood, increases feelings of connection and trust, and enhances intrinsic awareness of areas of growth.
Effective repair is not easy!
Radical Repair was developed to create a more systematic approach to addressing the ruptures that come from harm caused during conflicts and misunderstandings. In particular there is a strong need to address the issues that arise between people related to intention and impact, power differentials, emotional effort, family of origin, and the patterns of behavior that arise from historic wounds and internalized oppression. Traditional approaches to repair can lean toward solution finding, acknowledgement, and validation of feelings or experiences over the commitment to repairing the rupture of accountability and connection.
Because this is a new way of working to heal and connect, Radical Repair requires a set of skills that might be unfamiliar to a lot of people. These skills include: taking accountability for things you might not think you have done, self-awareness around what repair is actually needed versus what you feel you can reasonably expect to receive, and an opportunity to integrate what you learn in the repair into your relationship moving forward. Doing these things requires that both people have access to and understand their nervous systems. It also requires a willingness to change.
Radical Repair requires a lot from the participants - without the proper skills and guidance, it can be difficult to manage. As such, it is necessary to learn it with a trained facilitator.